Nov 30, 2015

7 Searches you'll have to explain


First off, Mom, these baby-name sites are for naming my CHARACTERS! You're not going to be a grandma within the next 9 months. I'm sure we've all been there. Stumped for a name, we meander over to a baby-name site and most of the time, no one's the wiser. But when someone sees it... then you have to start fielding questions. Luckily, you should only have to do this once per person.

Hypnosis techniques for brainwashing isn't actually something you want to put into practice. I'm not saying it wouldn't have useful applications in the real world, I'm just saying I personally will only use my powers for good.... or in situations that are morally ambiguous.

Dear FBI, this ordered list of how to keep a torture victim alive as long as possible is not what you think it is. If you're writing the next best-selling thriller, this may be something that puts you on a watch list. But let's be honest... being on that list isn't a bad thing. You'll gain some serious street cred... or you would, if anyone knew with any certainty that you were.

She's not a porn star, she's a contortionist... but I guess I could see how - at a glance - there could be some confusion. That position is quite... odd. If you're writing a murder mystery set in the 20s that revolves around a circus, or a modern day cirque du solelei romance... this search isn't going to seem at all odd to you, but others may get concerned about your extracurricular activities.

Whether or not someone can live without their eyelids is an idle curiosity, I swear. Okay, I'll admit, sometimes, when you're a writer, you explore some very odd... trials for your characters. I often think "what's the worst thing I can do to this character and let them live/not be so emotionally or physically damaged that they can continue on?" Often times, I have to work backward until I hit reality again. But seriously... can you live without your eyelids? how long? and how many bottles of eyedrops would you need to buy per day?

We're not really trying to bury a body in the ravine behind our house. I grew up with a ravine behind my house (it separated us from the hospital) and my step-dad was a cop. I watched way too much Law & Order SVU and then CSI. That ravine seemed like a great place to dispose of unwanted things.... So if I'm writing a murderer with a body to ditch, I might start scouring google maps for places like that ravine in the area around the crime.

These conspiracy forums I'm on are... well, I don't really think the president's brain is taken over by a parasitic alien after he's sworn in, and even if I did, I wouldn't think it's been happening since Andrew Jackson's inauguration. This one is probably going to get someone in an official looking suit with sunglasses and a scowl stopping by your house. Congratulations! You don't get a big check, but you probably won't need a cavity search either. Just hope you didn't type any search queries in that sound like threats!

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